Assalam o alikum
Just recently I went through a very rough patch. Now that I come to think of it, it was actually my own doing.. I couldn't find a way to balance my religious duties and my duties to this worldly life. I found myself lost in a dark place where all that I could feel was guilt. The kind of guilt that makes you wish you could just rip your heart out and not feel anything. Anything at all. Shaytan caught me when I was at my weakest. This guilt intensified every day. I had these really weird thoughts about how Allah doesn't want me to be happy, how I don't have something that others have and that whatever I do I am doomed to go to hell anyway.. Thoughts like these kill. They kill our humanity. They shatter the very foundations of our existence. And that is exactly what sheytan wants. He feeds on these thoughts and our vulnerability.
While I was brooding and hating myself I had no idea that every time I thought like this I was letting sheytan in. It was like giving him the key to control me. I soon realized this is definitely not how Allah wants me to be. He wants everyone of us to be happy. In the hereafter. Our struggles here will pay off one day Insha Allah. I couldnt let the guilt consume me and make me lose track of what is right.
I decided to take a deep breath. And let it go. I decided to take one step at a time and stop harming my self with these thoughts. See that's the thing. We cant do it all at once. I would love to meet anyone who claims otherwise. We must constantly tell ourselves that Allah loves us no matter what. He loves us more than the combined love of 70 mothers. If we sin He is the Only One we can turn to and seek refuge with. A mother never abandons her child, does she? Even if the child disobeys her. Why do we expect Allah to do that. We are good Muslims Alhumdulillah. Please don't let sheytan win. Don't let him in. Strengthen your fortresses. Fight back with whatever strength you have. You'll find yourself falling back at times, But the moments where you actually win will remind you how everything was worth it.
I am not promising the guilt would go away or leave you completely. It would always be there. Its completely up to us to either learn from it or feed it and make it grow.
Breathe. Take a step back. Ask Allah for help. And take a leap of faith. Just don't give up trying. I know there are people of our age who are better Muslims than us. I always wondered if the reason that I am not one of them is because Allah isn't happy with me. And then I realized I don't know what struggles they had to face to reach that level. Maybe they went through the same things you and I are going through. Maybe one day we will break free of all worries and dedicate our hearts solely to Allah. Until that day comes do not harm your selves by having such self-destructing thoughts. Enjoy life. Its a gift. Use it to make your hereafter better. Just remember to keep it all halal. Happiness will find you. Insha Allah :)
This sums it up perfectly:
Just recently I went through a very rough patch. Now that I come to think of it, it was actually my own doing.. I couldn't find a way to balance my religious duties and my duties to this worldly life. I found myself lost in a dark place where all that I could feel was guilt. The kind of guilt that makes you wish you could just rip your heart out and not feel anything. Anything at all. Shaytan caught me when I was at my weakest. This guilt intensified every day. I had these really weird thoughts about how Allah doesn't want me to be happy, how I don't have something that others have and that whatever I do I am doomed to go to hell anyway.. Thoughts like these kill. They kill our humanity. They shatter the very foundations of our existence. And that is exactly what sheytan wants. He feeds on these thoughts and our vulnerability.
While I was brooding and hating myself I had no idea that every time I thought like this I was letting sheytan in. It was like giving him the key to control me. I soon realized this is definitely not how Allah wants me to be. He wants everyone of us to be happy. In the hereafter. Our struggles here will pay off one day Insha Allah. I couldnt let the guilt consume me and make me lose track of what is right.
I decided to take a deep breath. And let it go. I decided to take one step at a time and stop harming my self with these thoughts. See that's the thing. We cant do it all at once. I would love to meet anyone who claims otherwise. We must constantly tell ourselves that Allah loves us no matter what. He loves us more than the combined love of 70 mothers. If we sin He is the Only One we can turn to and seek refuge with. A mother never abandons her child, does she? Even if the child disobeys her. Why do we expect Allah to do that. We are good Muslims Alhumdulillah. Please don't let sheytan win. Don't let him in. Strengthen your fortresses. Fight back with whatever strength you have. You'll find yourself falling back at times, But the moments where you actually win will remind you how everything was worth it.
I am not promising the guilt would go away or leave you completely. It would always be there. Its completely up to us to either learn from it or feed it and make it grow.
Breathe. Take a step back. Ask Allah for help. And take a leap of faith. Just don't give up trying. I know there are people of our age who are better Muslims than us. I always wondered if the reason that I am not one of them is because Allah isn't happy with me. And then I realized I don't know what struggles they had to face to reach that level. Maybe they went through the same things you and I are going through. Maybe one day we will break free of all worries and dedicate our hearts solely to Allah. Until that day comes do not harm your selves by having such self-destructing thoughts. Enjoy life. Its a gift. Use it to make your hereafter better. Just remember to keep it all halal. Happiness will find you. Insha Allah :)
This sums it up perfectly:
I'm done swimming against the waves, I'm going to allow the waves to carry me back to shore. And when Allah swt thinks I'm ready, he'll send a boat --- my view on life at the moment (: - Nashiha Pervin (The HijabiBengaliSisters)May Allah help us youngsters in these times of Fitnah and may He forgive our sins and make us the people of Jannah. Ameen
